Wednesday, 6 October 2010

Slap in the face

So last night I'm in the final session of IDT1 with HoPE. It's going well, we were talking about developing a personal prayer list and then we got a chance to work on one based on a template. This is not really my thing. I don't really like writing things down and trying to figure out what would work for each of the categories. However I thought I'm going to give this a fair go and actually do it. So we were told to focus on the New Testament and a few specific books were mentioned. One of which was Timothy. I thought I haven't really read much of Timothy why don't I go there. So I flip open 1 Tim 2 and I start reading at verse one. Hey this is good I like this... oooo I can even write something down. Then I get to verse 11 and I wince and 12 I wince again. Verse 14, wait a second Adam was right there. It's okay I tell myself...And then the slap in the face with verse 15. "But women will be saved through childbearing-if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety." What? Really? But...

After 4 miscarriages and at the ripe age of 38, I don't think I'm going to bear any children so am I not saved? I ofter think that Paul didn't get things quite right. But if I think that how do I reconcile the truth of the rest of the bible. Can I pick and choose what's right? I don't think so. I know in head and heart that God is there and loves and cares about me. I just don't know what to do with this verse.

Wednesday, 17 March 2010


Where are you?
I know you are there;
I can feel you.
But I don't want to do this anymore,
My heart aches
Please take the pain away;
Make me better
Where are you?
I know you are there;
I can feel you

Wednesday, 3 March 2010

Well, I survived. The surgery wasn't as painless as for the right eye. They stuck an IV in my hand and it hurt like crazy. And then it kept hurting so John asked if it was supposed to be hurting. Nope, apparently an IV shouldn't hurt. So if you ever have an IV that is hurting, complain. So the IV in my hand was removed and put elsewhere, where it didn't hurt. But my hand kept hurting, I think the nurse hit a really bad spot. The anesthetist gave me more sedative than last time resulting in me sleeping most of yesterday. He didn't do the freezing as well as the really nice anesthetist from before. Somehow he made my teeth freeze and missed a portion of muscle at the top of my eye. So during the lazering, there was some pain. It wasn't excrutiating but I think me saying "Ow" annoyed the doctor. She kept saying "You'll feel some pressure". It wasn't pressure, it was pain. I can tell the difference. Anyway, it all went okay. The freezing came out faster, which also meant the muscle pain started sooner. Thank God for advil and tylenol.

Monday, 1 March 2010

Left eye

Tomorrow, I go for my left eye surgery. I hope it goes as well as the right eye but heals more quickly. I'm not as nervous but I have to be at the hospital at 6 am. I'm not sure why you have to get there so early. For the right eye, I had to be there for 7 and my surgery wasn't until 10. Oh well, maybe I won't ever have to do it again. I'll post tomorrow or Wed, on how it went.

Tuesday, 9 February 2010


It all went okay. I got some happy sedative that made me unaware of the needle(s) in my eye. And everything else was fine. I have a patch on my eye for a couple more hours. More annoying than anything else. I guess God does care about me. :)

Monday, 8 February 2010


Tomorrow I'm scheduled for eye surgery; I have to be at the hospital a 7 am. Yay, more needles in the eye. I'm not really looking forward to it. Perhaps if my previous experience hadn't been so horrible, I wouldn't be so stressed about it. I've been trying not to think about it but now it's imminent. What I should really do is take it to God and trust in him. That's not going to get me out of it though. The surgery needs to be done, there's no point putting it off. Miraculous healing would be fantastic. I don't really have much faith for that though. Maybe tomorrow I will be able to blog about how great God was in getting me through it.